Hemka – Couple’s Boudoir

Getting good pictures of us, now, while we might never look better – and treasure them as keepsake when we grow old. Probably that was the original thought idea. J turns 40 at Christmas, and we are all together turning an important page for the family as for the first time in thirty odd years, we are deciding where we want to live next. So, something simple and great was needed. And I needed a present for our wedding anniversary too. We kissed, then got together some 14 years ago. That day, we realized that we just fit each other neatly. We are one of this couple where the other one is obviously the missing piece. Forever.

So, I went on the internet, “couples pictures Singapore”, and found the “top 10” – like you would do nowadays for anything you want to buy or do, and don’t know where to start. Most sites on the list were offering great shots, where a lot of the essence of the couples seemed to have been captured right by the photographer.

And then I found Kelvin’s website, and I was in a different dimension. That of an artist. It really felt like suddenly, love, energy, beauty of the people I could discover on his website was couple orders of magnitude above and beyond any of the other ones. Simple yet beautiful. Touching but technically perfect. With lights, shadows, smiles. Capturing the curves, the tenderness, the love, of these couples who seemed accomplice on a journey, and that had a stop at the studio of this artist.

But I quickly developed another feeling. In awe with the art, I was feeling we could not be part of it. That we were simply not worthy. I felt like a was trying to find someone to repaint the bathroom ceiling, and I came across Michelangelo on a quattrocento internet. We could not afford it – money wise, and most importantly from a worthiness point of view. The respectful thing was to forget about it.

So, I booked a session with someone else, a nice photographers’ agency, that I had interactions with through the internet too. It was easy enough – they knew what we wanted, and there was a price displayed on the website for the session. And how much they would charge for another person, or a pet. 

But I did not want at that time nice family pictures, because when I saw Kelvin’s art, I knew what I wanted – and they said they could do it. Nude photographs of us.

I gave this voucher to her our anniversary date. I was impatient and excited, so did not wait long. I was nervous to explain the process that led me to suggest we would do these pictures together, “normal” pictures with both of us dressed, but that the session could evolve more towards “boudoir” photography, mostly practiced by women in lingerie. I was extremely anxious about how she would react – I do not think we had ever really talked about such a thing.

But she smiled, and I could see in her eyes that “spark” – there was, right in front of me that night, over champagne, one of the reasons why I love her the way I do. She wanted to try, she could sense the beauty and the togetherness of the act. We talked a bit about it during the dinner, getting the warm feeling it would be a great experience – and a great excuse to buy lingerie at least. We would remember the experience, and we would have the memories. And we were fully confident that we would just consensually go as far the other one would feel comfortable to go. And that regardless of how far we went, we would treasure this.

I told her I would send her some examples of what the studio picked had done in that style of intimate shoot of couples. And, that I would share with her the work of Kelvin, the one website that pushed me to dare offering that present to her – to us. And unsurprisingly, whilst finding the work of the studio we had that voucher with quite pleasant, she had the same vibration I had for Kelvin’s work – how he magnified love, relationship, couple, women Also, his pregnancy work caught her eye. Exploring his work in the community, in nursing homes, also with cancer survivor, added to the picture of the nice individual he seemed to be. The kind of humble hero we would all dream of being. Kelvin is a league of his own. Checking his website was actually a bit sad, like being in a restaurant where you really like something on the “a la carte” menu, but your wallet or your diet keeps you limits you to the “lunch special”.

I had to do something. And then I dared try to reach out to Kelvin. A “contact me” email on his site – like a message in a bottle. I was ready to stomach a no reply, a rebuff – that it was unaffordable, that we had to wait for months to get a chance to meet him, that he would tell us we were not worth it. But I did not want to digest the regret of having settled for something that was not the real thing without having tried.

And from the first message back it was clear. A great sense of humor (assuming I was not Singaporean because I was trying to apologize for reaching out to me, while locals would just have said “how much????”). A simple and warm welcome into his artistic world – I was proud, glad, humbled at the same time. We would do it with him. Interestingly, not charging more than the regular photographers we had approached – if you needed more proof that talent, passion, love and monetary compensations for all of that are practically unrelated, that is a solid evidence.

We agreed enthusiastically to meet on the Monday 12th of October, in his studio, for the shoot. J would be treated like a queen – with hair do and make up. Elaine would be there too – she shares his life, and his work. We exchanged texts in the next following days, about how far we were ready to go, and if we had any plan in mind. We answered sincerely that we had no clue about that, and truly little ideas about what we wanted to do – which was absolutely fine for Kelvin. We talked about what to bring, what to wear, practical details. But we really started to bond during these conversations. Some things are intangible yet fully real. This simple bond between us felt like one of those. And we also said we would bring J’s cello, which is clearly one of the most sensual musical instruments in the world. So close to womanly curved it inspired this famous art from Man Ray, with a lady whose back bears marks resembling the f-holes. Integral parts of the alchemy the whole instrument resonate beautifully.

The Monday morning was busy. Things to do and prepare for the shoot. What shall we bring? What shall we wear? The nervousness of the preparation was palpable – we were like kids, that would go and face a huge challenge for the first time.

We arrived at the parking lot after lunch. Everything took more time than we would have thought. We texted Kelvin that we would be late, and he said that we should simply take our time. Like good friends do. The building is a modern industrial building, the studio sits on the top floor. Far from view. It’s quite weird to walk through these corridors of sterile, industrial environment with a suitcase, a duffle bag, a costume bag and a cello, looking for a sign on the door. And there it is. Suddenly, we are in a professional photograph studio, in an artist’s den. Whilst walls are neat concrete, Elaine and Kelvin have managed to create a warm a cozy corner, nearly as a watch station over the studio on the other side, minimalist with couple of chairs, pieces of furniture, and the last two rolls of background left. It is clear we are not here for the things, but for the human beings.

The make-up artist is already here, waiting, but there is no rush. We have first to talk about a bit of everything, from the practical details to our family, to why we are here to what Elaine and Kelvin like and do not like in the world they live in. It is clear all along: there is passion and art floating around. Looking at them one thing is obvious too: they have found their missing part in the other.

Tea, coffee, J gets her hair done, and some make up. I even get some make up to reduce the shine of my head. We chat, like old acquaintances, with Elaine and Kelvin. Kelvin is already in his shoot though; you can feel some tension built up. He is going through the stuff we brought. He is impressed by the cello, the more than 100 years of history it carries. He selects the clothes for the shoot – we have been through what we had brought, and told him the reasons, what we liked, the history behind some of the items. He starts to arrange the lights. Make up is done, and we have some snacks. We have been there just two hours maybe… and time is not of essence here, it is experience that counts. It went so quickly, but we talked so much! About what we like about Singapore, about our life experience and the big leap we are making into our future. About Elaine and Kelvin’s life too, and how they see the society they live in – as outcasts at time. A tension which only those who love and live intensely can understand, the difficulty of a love-hate relationship with certain things that only passion fuels.

And we go.

Kelvin suggests what we should wear as a start. My green Z&V jacket I bought more than 10 years ago; she has a blouse. And we take positions in the light. Kelvin’s voice is dissipating anxiety and empowering us. “You are beautiful! You are natural, you do not need directions”. He is perfect. He is the artist and has his artistic vision meeting who we are. Magnifying our intimacy, not directing a fashion show. We look relaxed, even though we feel tension inside. He does not take many pictures, at the beginning, which I internalize at that moment as a sign he likes what he sees. We are moving through the motion, changing clothes, on the bed, sitting, standing up, on the floor. Each break for a change is an opportunity to pick up the conversation where we left it. It is a flow. A voyage.

And it continues, we do nothing but being natural. Being real.

Very naturally Kelvin invites I to move on, and suggests we go to lingerie shoot. Interestingly we “hide” from view in changing room to swap clothes between the sessions. She comes back, looks gorgeous, and we continue. There is a kind assertiveness in the way Kelvin directs us from now on and invites us to take poses. And I think we need this confidence. It is not anymore anything we’ve experience before. He is here to help reveal our intimacy, bring it to visible life, and we need his help. His invitations are pretty direct and prevent us from thinking too much about it. The session goes, I am now bare chest and J is on a piece of furniture that magnifies her beauty. We are chatting, joking, touching each other, kissing. Like we would do in a moment of intense love and care for each other. There it comes – “can you undress her please”. No time to think – a deep breath, eye contact with J, in which I can read “I’m reasonably emotional but fine”. I struggle to undress her – a new piece of lingerie, and probably some awkward moves too. She is so beautiful. Kelvin invites us to continue, while he takes pictures – many more than while we were standing up in our full clothing. Probably the moment is more intense. more fugacious, and need more care to be captured by the camera. Also, there is more to see – clothes hide a lot of what is underneath. I do my best to act beautifully, graciously, respectfully. I hope this care will be captured by the lens.

Next comes the time for me:

– Can you take your pants off, please?

– Sure, shall I keep my underwear?

Kelvin says, and I can hear he is smiling:

– J is naked. that would not be fair.

So here we are, the two of us. I do not remember exactly how long it lasted. I do not know. It is a beautiful moment. Kelvin asks us to change positions many times, to move around. I think we are probably more than three hours into this, as I realize it feels gradually darker. He moves many times the lights around us, I suppose to reveal and hide the shapes as he sees it with his eyes. I remember a moment of intense intimacy, of anxious love. The remembrance of a first kiss, nearly fifteen years ago, in every caress I make. It makes me think about the writing at the bottom of a cross marking the top of Klein Matterhorn in Switzerland, 3800 meters summit… “mehr mensch sein”. It is perhaps what this nude session is all about: be more human.

And it is over, or so we thought. “We forgot the cello!”, says Kelvin anxiously. So, we go again. I do not remember if I stand naked when she started to play, maybe I had a gown on. What I remember vividly is that the scene is surreal. It is now dark outside so the whole light is Kelvin’s creation. J and her cello, playing sitting on this little white box, against this concrete wall, is for what seems ages, the center of the universe. For a little while – and the time seems to have slowed down all around her – her bow dictates the pace using some insane magic. Nothing on earth matters more than her. Nudity sublimes the relationship between her, the instrument, and the air around her that vibrates to the music. Elaine suggests that I take videos – I am glad she did.

Kelvin is in an intense moment of creation – running like an electron around the nucleus of our atom. It is magic. He asks me to join, and I feel absolutely blessed to be part of this. Sitting awkwardly behind her, revealing my body too. We are one, and we are the world at that moment. “Look at those curves”. Kelvin savs, “He is beautiful too”. I did not cry but was overwhelmed.

That was our climax. Elaine asked me very tactfully whether we had enough “intimate pictures”. I spoke for us two saying that we went as far as we could and were over the moon with where they both took us.

It is late already when we leave the studio. All awkwardness of our Covid-style introductions hours before is evaporated, and we leave Elaine and Kelvin after a long, warm hug. That was nothing compared to what they gave us. but the best we could do at that moment. Something really has happened.

I have since thought a lot about concepts that collided in my mind, before and after the shoot. About intimacy, privacy, secrecy, nudity, eroticism, pornography. These are lots of words that are overused today in our society – to the point of losing their meaning. I view intimacy as the highest expression of togetherness. It has multiple level – the couple, the family, different circle of friends shares a form of intimacy. Here, what Kelvin does is revealing the strength of the intimacy between people. Nudity helps, as when clothes are gone, we are altogether strong and vulnerable, and much less capable of lying.

Intensity of the relationship expresses itself in there. Truth is told when bodies are naked.

But talking about how I felt during this photo shoot, just as Montaigne says, “in mine own genuine, simple, and ordinary manner” is important. Doing it in a dignified, respectful manner. I want to be able to share this experience – as I find it incredibly revealing about ourselves and amazingly empowering. It does not mean eventually flashing nude portraits of us to anybody at any time but as a beginning sharing our feelings about a fantastic experience, and what we did that afternoon in Sembawang. And I hope that our friends, and family, would be curious about it, would be happy for us, and above all – will not be judgmental. As Kelvin writes beautifully, I hope “[they] will hold no prejudice, and welcome [us] with the warmth that only genuine friendship brings”.

Needless to say, the pictures are all to die for.

~ Hemka, Singapore, October 2020.

(this is an excerpt of the full review, reproduced with the author’s kind permission)

https://hemka.medium.com